20.01.21 -  sorry for not updating this in a long time, there's 
      been a lot happening and i've even been forgetting to text my boyfriend
      back at times lol. i am doing really well recently, i've moved in with 
      friends and i feel so creative and productive all the time.
      i'm making a                (sorry this indentation is lame but im too lazy 2 correct it)
      REALLYYY huge song with big people and small friends on it and i'm so 
      excited. i've seen some other neocities users like some of the artists that
      are going to b on it so that's like a weird feeling. it's weird to know 
      and be friends with people who people you know look up too. maybe it's 
      because you see them as human while other people see them as a whole other 
      entity because of social media. i went to a convention for social media 
      people last year (pre covid) because my friends were influencers at the time, 
      and one night we went to someone's house and i walked in and there were 
      about 20 or so huge social media stars in there. i wasn't starstruck 
      or anything but it felt weird seeing people who i've only seen through 
      social media posts, but now they were real and they say me and there was 
      no longer a divide between the screen and my world. i felt like i didn't 
      belong because at the time i had quit being a tiktoker and i was back to 
      my normal self and it felt weird seeing all these people get asked for 
      pictures and get fangirled over. idk sorry for ranmbling i haven't written 
      down anything in a long time lol
        i'm working on a minecraft sculpture but my dumbasss is doing it in survival 
      mode for some reason?? it's super hard, especially when there are mobs everywhere
      and pilligars and creepers blow shit up or i die and lose all my materials but
      it feels like the grind is going to pay off in the end. i hope so. i'm really 
      proud of it so far honestly, i hope to build it for real one day. 

      01.01.21 - new year i guess? cool i guess. idk i hate how people 
      are thinking that "2020 is over". i mean yeah the year is over, but the 
      problems that have been emphasised are not going away dumbasses. 2021 is 
      most likely going to suck considering covid, the current political climate, 
      and other existing issues. time is a construct. im not even trying to sound
      "deep" or anything im just upset that people are celebrating the end of a
      year as if it's the end of their problems :/

      29.12.20 - ok first part of this writing is gonna be a general 
      update and then  i will give a review of Whole Lotta Red omggggg ok !
      honestly not much has happened since last update, i am just at home working
      on my music, trying to search for a new sound. it's been a long time since
      i have had a challenge when making music, probably because i am used to just
      copying other sounds. now i am making my own sounds up so that is fun but 
      also very frustrating ugh. i cleaned my room yesterday! OH ALSO i got so many
      new clothes. i might make a "closet" page on this website, just to show off
      my wardrobe. it looks awful boring but it's very comfortable and i like it 
      a lot! i might write a letter to phil elverum, who is an inspiration to me.
      i've been meaning to ask him for the isolated vocals of this one song of his
      but i also want to share with him how much he has affected my life and musical
      process and experiences. he is super cool. that is pretty much all for now, 
      oh also thanks for like 6 followers already on this page?? that is cool so thank
      you very much :)
      this album is one of the most polarizing rap/trap releases i have heard in recent
      memory. i feel as though it's pretty self evident, as a lot of carti's fans (and
      rap listeners too) have disliked the album. there has been such a negative outcry 
      that Carti is going to make a deluxe version of the album consisting entirely of 
      songs that the fans actually want.
      i'll admit on my first listen i didn't hate the album, but i was a bit dissapointed.
      however, instead of being super mad i listed to the album again and again. i think i 
      have listened to the album about 7 times by now and while it isn't the best album of
      the year, it's pretty good. my only major complaints come from how short some of the 
      hardest songs are and the lack of organization on the project. while i'm not complaining
      about how many songs there are on the project, there were definetly some songs that Carti
      could have left off the album and i wouldn't mind. especially towards the last half of 
      the album. 
      what has really divided listeners on this album is carti's new, high energy, inflection
      filled, in-your-face, and raw vocals. this was my reason for dissapointment on first listen
      as well. it's not that i didn't appreciate what carti was attempting to do, it just didn't 
      sit with me that well. but, as i listened and listened and listened, i grew super fond of 
      them and now i don't even mind them that much. if anything, i really enjoy some of the craziest
      songs on this album, such as "Stop Breathing", "Punk Monk" and "New Tank" (god i wish new tank 
      was longer, it's only a minute and a half)
      overall, the aspects of this album that i dislike aren't the reasons many dislike it. carti's 
      performances on this album are some of the most interesting i've heard out of the rap/trap
      genre in a very long time. 8/10

      22.12.20 - playboi carti officially announced his album and i am
      so so so so excited i've been waiting for so long, but the wait was very 
      worth it. all the snippets are super good i am so excited :))) aaaaaaaaa
      i am making a lot of music nowadays, i'm going to start putting it up soon.
      i also might make a page for playboi carti leaks that i really enjoy, idk 
      if other people would enjoy that too. 

      12.12.20 - i hung out with some other people that make music yesterday
      and it started out really boring and i hated it cause we went skating 
      and i usually don't mind skating but it was a nice day out so there 
      were a lot of people at the skate park. i don't like people watching 
      or feeling judged it makes me want to cry a lot. as the day turned into
      night, though, i started to have these really good conversations with 
      the two main guys i came to see and make music with. 
      the first conversation i had  
      was about mainly politics and was a continuation of a conversation that
      we had had at the skatepark. we talked about how the if leftists want 
      to succeed, they need to become the bigger person. cancel culture is an 
      example of this, where instead of trying to help others out of a hateful
      and often unknowingly racist/sexist/etc. place, we cancel them without 
      education and label them as awful people. this is counterproductive 
      because instead of reaching out and trying to help and educate people, 
      we dont get rid of the hate, rather we let it build and fester which 
      does absolutely nothing to help society. the only way to get rid of 
      hate is to educate, and if after education someone chooses to be willfully
      ignorant, then i feel it is fair to 'cancel' them or whatever. 
      the second conversation i had 
      was with another guy and we talked about 2 main things. the contrast of 
      growing up with/without social media in relation to making music , and 
      buddhist practices and meditation. i have grown up posting on social 
      media consistantly since i was 12 years old, so putting my songs online 
      feels no different than putting up a post on instagram or twitter. you 
      make the post with followers in mind in order to attain more likes and 
      boost the seratonin in your brain. when you treat music in a similar 
      fashion , you end up making a record label of yourself - you only put 
      out what you think will get you the most attention and likes. i started
      putting out music not with myself in mind, but with what other people 
      would like in mind. and that's why it did well and my "lucas lex" project
      took off. my entire discography has become almost just like an embodiment of 
      social media.it looks cool but the inauthenticity is just seething throughout
      without anyone's knowledge. 
      i'm getting bored of talking and i'm probably boring whoever is reading this
      so i'll talk about the buddhist shit latr. :)

      6.12.20 - working on music, just got a new macbook which is not
      cool cause it's a macbook but also now i can produce on logic pro
      and not have my computer crash every 10 seconds :) we got an xmas
      tree today but i don't even like xmas anymore. i think it was
      ruined by consumerism and it's awful. grinch type beat i suppose lol